By Medha Bajpai, educationist and psychologist
It was a few years ago. My daughter was studying in primary school. A few days before the results, she told her father very innocently, “I have completed my work. Now whatever party and gift you want to give, give it now, why wait for the results to come.
Like any normal family, we also used to associate the award with the exam result. We both smiled. At that time, perhaps we could not understand the depth of this matter. But today, when I face the mental state of children as a teacher and counselor every day, then this sentence shakes me again and again.
What do we tell our children? “If you score good marks, you will get a mobile or a bike.” “If you top, you will get a party.” “First show me your result, then we will talk.”
Such things inadvertently teach children that their respect, love and appreciation are also based on the scorecard. Is this the emotional nourishment they need? This is the big question. Accepting failure with dignity is something parents need to teach to their children as well as themselves.
Children often speak the truth which we adults have entangled in logic and conditions. They remind us that efforts are also worth celebrating, their hard work should be celebrated, not just the results. It is important to appreciate the efforts of children.
From childhood, we are told that “don’t give up”, “only winning matters”, “if you don’t top then you are useless”. Children start fearing the results even before they get them. Getting rejected is a blow to self-esteem.
BURDEN OF EXPECTATIONS
Recently, I got the opportunity to participate in a prestigious and tough entrance exam. I had to do only administrative work there, but the scene there also gave a glimpse of emotions and mental struggles. The tiredness, frustration and tension in the eyes of the candidates and their parents sitting outside the exam centre made me feel sad.
The ideal age limit for that entrance exam is 18 to 20 years, but while preparing, many candidates had crossed the age of 24-25. This is not only a question of our exam system, but also an indication of the long-term mental pressure on the youth.
They were not giving the exam, they were struggling to prove themselves. The burden of expectations of society, family and self was clearly visible on their shoulders.
Getting rejected, failing, losing – these three words are associated with negative emotions in the social context. As if their occurrence is an irreparable failure of life. But the truth is that failure is an inevitable part of life, and accepting it in a dignified manner is an important skill that must be developed.
THIS IS THE TIME TO RESPECT YOUR EFFORTS
What is dignified failure, it is not to give up and start cursing yourself that nothing good happens to me. It is not to hide from the world. This is the time to respect your efforts even if the results are not as expected.
Do not be harsh, but have an honest conversation with yourself that: “Where did I go wrong, and what did I learn? What will I do differently next time? Avoid comparing with others, because every person’s journey is different.”
The most beautiful thing about life is that it gives us an opportunity to try again after every failure. Getting rejected, losing, all this can also be a respectable experience, provided we can make it a medium of learning.
Link the party and the award to the sincerity of the effort, not the result.
Excellent Article