By Prof. Manisha Bajpai Gupta
The kind of incidents related to emotional and mental deception ‘love jihad’ that are coming to the fore in different parts of the country are not limited to religious or political debates. In present India, when an educated teenager or young woman is deceived in the name of love – her religion, identity and existence are hurt – then it is not just a “crime”, it raises serious questions on the most delicate and weak point of the society – upbringing.
It is not just a religious or legal issue; it is also a symbol of psychological and family failure. When a teenager gets deceived despite being educated, when she takes decisions alone despite having a family, when she does not know what is right and wrong despite having a mother – then it is not just a personal failure, it becomes a social proof of the missing links of upbringing.
In Indian culture, the mother has been called the “first guru”. She is not only considered to be the one who nurtures, but also the one who reads emotions, teaches and gives self-confidence. Yet today, when daughters are getting caught in mental traps, getting cheated in the name of love, the question arises—where is the mother going wrong? Parenting is not just about feeding and sending the daughter to school.
Parenting is the link that connects emotional security, cultural awareness and digital literacy.
When this link is lost, a daughter is lost—sometimes in name, sometimes in religion, sometimes in existence.
In the world full of digital and emotional pressures in which daughters are living today, mere restrictions and sermons do not work. They need to be understood, accepted and given emotional support. But most mothers are either hesitant to talk about these topics or are afraid that the conversation may turn into protest or rebellion.
This fear gradually turns into silence, which leaves the daughter emotionally alone. And a lonely daughter is the easiest victim—whether it is the fake love relationships on social media or the forces attacking cultural identity.
WHY IS MOTHER’S SILENCE PROVING COSTLY?
In Indian society, mother has been seen as a goddess, a guru, and a life-giver. She has been considered the soul of the house. But today, when we are seeing our daughters getting trapped in emotional deception, this belief has remained just an emotional fantasy. The practical reality is that the communication between today’s mother and daughter has broken down, and this has become the weakest link in upbringing.
In our society, when a young girl becomes a victim of mental exploitation or fake love, debates begin—where did society go wrong, where did the law weaken, and why could educational institutions not create awareness? But the most silent and serious question remains: where was that girl’s mother? Why was the mother, who could once read the daughter’s soul, unable to recognize her pain, confusion, or danger today?
Psychologically, the role of a mother is that of an emotional buffer—who not only listens to the daughter’s doubts, insecurities, and questions, but also gives them direction. When this role becomes inactive, the girl begins to seek emotional truth from external influences. And that is where the emotional trap begins. When a daughter falls prey to an emotional or cultural deception, the first question that arises is—“Why did she not tell her mother?”
The answer is silence—perhaps because the mother never said, “You can tell me everything.”
EMOTIONAL PRESENCE HAS DISAPPEARED
Today’s mother, especially in urban and lower-middle class families, is extremely busy—whether she is a housewife or a working woman. Her daytime is divided into ‘responsibilities’ like household chores, social pressures, and children’s education, but emotional presence has disappeared.
Reading a daughter’s silence is an art that develops only when the mother is able to communicate with her in a non-judgmental way.
THE MOTHER’S LAPSE: COMPULSION OR PARADOX?
Today’s mother is fighting on many fronts—managing the home, meeting social expectations, and sometimes even working. In such a situation, she often thinks that if the daughter is getting a mobile, school, and tuition, then her duty is fulfilled.
But the daughter needs time, communication, and affection the most. This is the mother’s first defeat—where she loses her emotional presence under the burden of her “duties”. On the other hand, many mothers are unable to come out of the shadow of their own upbringing. This mentality leads them to shyness and silence, and this is where the daughter is left alone.
WHY IS THE ROLE OF A MOTHER PSYCHOLOGICALLY IMPORTANT?
When a daughter is confused about her identity, emotions and relationships in adolescence, she looks for a ‘partner’ who understands her without judging her. If the mother does not play this role, then this void is filled by someone else – sometimes a boy, sometimes social media, and sometimes a clever predator who uses her psychology as a weapon.
Psychological studies have found that girls who get empathetic communication and emotional security at home are more resistant to emotional manipulation or online deception. A single sentence from the mother – “You can tell me anything, I am with you” – can become the biggest protective shield against any evil intention.
This question is no longer just an emotional one, but has become a social question related to nation building. If we want to see our daughters safe from mental and cultural attacks, then we will have to make mother the heroine of dialogue again.
She will have to be equipped with digital awareness, emotional intelligence, and the challenges of the new era. Mother does not need blame, but direction – the direction of a new upbringing, which starts with trust, not fear.
The solution is not easy, but it is not impossible either. Mother does not need blame, but direction.
She will have to be made to understand that upbringing is not limited to food, education and sanskars only – it is a deep, continuous and sensitive dialogue.
SOME PRACTICAL ASPECTS THAT SOCIETY, INSTITUTIONS AND FAMILIES THEMSELVES SHOULD ADOPT
Today, when cultural-emotional attacks are taking place in the society, mother will have to again become that power that creates trust, not fear, in the eyes of the daughter.
If we want to see our daughters safe, then mother will have to be made the queen of the daughter’s heart.
(The author is a professor and educationist)
